Underneath are the everlasting arms

I truly have felt the everlasting arms the last while. Thanks to all who left encouraging comments and prayed. The desperation inside of me feels much less and there is more of resting. Just living life and finding God in the midst of it rather than trying so hard to perform and do life. Just being rather than doing. Not hiding and trying to ignore the heartaches of life but also not trying so hard to do things right but rather just facing each moment with God at my side, knowing that He can help me with whatever I need to face.
Two books I am reading right now are also playing into this being able to rest instead of perform. One was recommended by a friend in blog world..."Water from Stone" and the other is one I had read before but pulled out once more because of Sunday School..."Shattered Dreams" by Larry Crabb. The other author I can't remember right now but thanks goes to ampraisinghim for recommending it.
Love you all...keep on keeping on!!!!

Where is God in life?

Now before you all just turn away and run, let me hasten to say...I do find God in life many times. But sometimes I just get so tired of trying to live. Life doesn't make any sense and sometimes it seems you just spend the time trying to rectify the mistakes you made when you didn't know God as personally as you do now. And then sometimes I just get so tired of performance and perfection. It seems that is all I caught as a young girl growing up and it has left me feeling so worn out and tired. God in His mercy has wooed me back again to His side but the spiritual rebirth process is so LONG and HARD and sometimes I wonder if I am going to make it. I don't know if I am making any sense to anyone. Life is so trivial without God...yet sometimes it seems I can't find God in the trivial things and then I just want to run away...to where?? Do you hear the desperation inside of me? I long to be a mature Christian and so often I find myself thinking that is what others are expecting of me. Well the truth is I am a MESS and even tho I have 6 children and am married for 16 years I am far from what I should be. Now I am not trying to throw stones at anyone in my past life but being real about life is what God wants us to be. I didn't learn how to be real, I learned how to cover everything up and make it look right on the outside. Oh there were some things that were real in me but for the most part I was caught up in performance. I started out meaning well but performance took me down a bad path. The longer I performed the less I knew God...even though I wanted HIM very badly. I am not saying I turned my back on Him but the joy and delight dwindled away and anger and control took over. In that all God continued to work, thank you Jesus. But the journey is far from over and I am so tired. I know Jesus will love me in the process but I get so frustrated with myself. Sometimes I just want to shoot myself....not literally. It is just very negative inside of me and the battle waxes fierce so much of the time. I hope I am not saying too much but I so desperately want to be whole. The depression just wants to suck me under.

What a week!

This week was so busy putting away food for the winter. We did 100+ quarts of peaches, 55 quarts of applesauce, 7 quarts of pizza sauce, 60+ pounds of blueberries and 37 quarts of corn. It felt like I didn't have time to think. Plus there was wash and dishes and yard to mow and all the other things that need to be done. I have a seperate place out in the garage to do my canning this year and that has been so nice. It helps to keep the house from getting so messy. Tomorrow I guess we tackle some cleaning around here. My body is calling for a break.

Thanks

Thanks so much for the prayers, dear friends!
We have some things that aren't so easily solved to deal with over the next while so it calls for some heart searching and prayer. So keep praying please! We have a guy that isn't following through with his deal on the property that we own and is living in the house. We also desperately need the money from that property to pay off some other debts that we have. We have tried most every reasonable method to get this guy to do things legally and he doesn't seem to want to cooperate. He actually seems to have gone through a personality change since we first met him and we wonder how we got messed up with a guy like him? Legal action is going to cost money and we really don't have that kind of money to spend.
It is a busy time of year. I have corn to freeze and peaches to can this week. I am also hoping to get a few more blueberries. Tomatoes are starting to produce now and we froze some beautiful peppers last week. I just wish I could live off of fresh garden produce and fresh fruit year round and not have to do so much canning and freezing. We are also eating fresh potatoes and green beans--yummy yum.
Last night I was feeling quite stressed out and then our church service was about "beholding the glory of God" It was a good reminder to me. Nothing is too hard for God and we are dearly loved by Him. My job is to embrace the cross He sends and to be open to both the joys and sorrows of life.

prayer please

There are some issues that make the next couple weeks and maybe even the next month or so quite difficult. I don't feel at liberty to discuss them in great length on here but I would like to ask you to please pray for me. I am having to walk a difficult path right now and I do so want to learn how God wants me to handle it all. I want to grant forgiveness and mercy and release. I want God to work in my own heart. I know without Him I am nothing. My own heart needs to find God in these issues. I believe God has shown me some things in the past but it still feels like He has more work to do on this issue, a deeper healing. Thanks so much.

BUSY???!!!

Here is some food for thought.


SATAN'S MEETING

Satan called a worldwide convention of demons. In his opening address he said, "We can't keep Christians from going to church. We can't keep them form reading their Bibles and knowing the truth. We can't even keep them from forming and intimate relationship with their Savior. Once they gain that connection with Jesus, our power over them is broken. So let them go to their churches; let them have their covered dish dinners, but steal their time, so they don't have time to develop a relationship with Jesus Christ."
"This is what I want you to do," said the devil. "Distract them from gaining hold of their Savior and maintaining that vital connection throughout their day!"
"How shall we do this?" the demons shouted.
"Keep them busy in the nonessentials of life and invent innumerable schemes to occupy their minds," Satan answered. "Tempt them to spend, spend, spend, and borrow, borrow, borrow. Persuade their wives to go to work for long hours and the husbands to work 6-7 days each week, 10-12 hours each day, so they can afford their empty lifestyles. Keep them from spending time with their children. As their families fragment, soon their homes will offer no escape from the pressures of work! Overstimulate their minds so that they cannot hear that still, small voice. Entice them to play the radio or cassette player whenever they drive. Keep the TV, VCR, CDS and their PC'S going constantly in their home and see to it that every store and restaurant in the world plays non-biblical music constantly. This will jam their minds and break that union with Christ."
"Fill the coffee tables with magazines and newspapers. Pound their minds with the news 24 hours a day. Invade their driving moments with billboards. Flood their mailboxes with junk mail, mail order catalogs, sweepstakes, and every kind of newsletter and promotional offering free products, services, and false hopes. Keep skinny, beautiful models on the magazines and TV so that their husbands will believe that outward beauty is what is important, and they will become dissatisfied with their wives. Keep the wives too tired to love their husbands at night. Give them headaches, too! If they don't give their husbands the love they need, they will begin to look elsewhere. That will fragment the home quickly!"
"Give them Santa Claus to distract them from the teaching their children the real meaning of Christmas. Give them an Easter Bunny so they won't talk about His resurrection and power over sin and death."
" Even in their recreation, let them be excessive. Have them return from recreation exhausted. Keep them too busy to go out in nature and reflect on God's creation. Send them to amusement parks, sporting events, plays, concerts, and movies instead. Keep them busy, busy, busy!"
"And when they meet for spiritual fellowship, involve them in gossip and small talk so that they leave with troubled consciences. Crowd their lives with so many causes they have no time to seek power from Jesus. Soon they will be working in their own strength, sacrificing their health and family for the good of the cause. IT WILL WORK! It will work!
It was quite a plan! The demons went eagerly to their assignments, causing Christians everywhere to get more busy and more rushed, going here and there. Having little time for God or their families. Having NO time to tell others about the power of Jesus to change lives.
Guess the question is, "Has the devil been successful at his scheme?"
You be the judge! Does "busy" mean:
B-eing
U-nder
S-atan's
Y-oke?

Now I am not trying to say that being busy is all wrong. But I have been challenged to evaluate my busyness from time to time to make sure that I am staying balanced. That is my challenge to you. Have a great day. Keep Jesus as our focus and # 1 priority.

UNAFRAID

I was listening to some music the other day. This one phrase stood out to me...Unafraid, because I know who You are...Unafraid. How many times do we stand paralyzed by life because we don't know who God really is? Sometimes I wonder why God even gives us desires and dreams if they don't seem to get fulfilled. But then a friend told me that too often we figure out the way we want them to get fulfilled and God may have a totally differant way of dressing them, so to speak. So we have to constantly yield to Jesus on these matters, knowing that our hearts are made for Him. Because we live in a fallen world not everything is going to be the way we want it. Sorrow can refine us and joy can be our portion if we just yield to God. SORROW + JOY = PEACE